Top 5 Worst Wii Games? |
| By Skylar Wilcox / Wednesday, 21 May 2008 |
|
As any Wii owner knows, choosing an addition to your game library isn't as easy as just going to the store and picking whatever has the coolest box art. You have to read previews and reviews and practically learn developer names to discover where to place your best bet. This is especially the case with the Wii, since so many lazy developers use it as a dumping ground for zero-effort embarrassments. Nintendo's not doing anybody any favors by licensing these pieces of garbage either. A fellow Nintendo site called Infendo did the dirty work of picking the cream of the crap, and I commend them for it. I've actually heard of all their choices before, so I'll add my commentary to each of their picks. (Note that my thoughts don't necessarily represent all of The Wiire, and are directed against the games themselves, not the unfortunate souls who bought them.)  This is the only picture of Balls of Fury on the Internet. Not because it's obscure, but because the network has developed a sense of self-preservation. 5. Balls of Fury Face it, developers, there's no way to make a good game based on a comedy movie. The follow-rules-or-be-penalized nature of a game doesn't lend itself well to lighthearted chuckle breaks. The only way to take a comedy movie and make it interactive is to make it a toy where you push a button and it tells you a joke. If you want a more expensive version of ping-pong with a higher risk of inadvertently smacking your opponent in the face, stick with Wii Play. Any destruction that occurs as the result of playing this game won't be inadvertent.  It takes a special talent to make a picture this small still look jagged. Rest assured that such skill was in the developer's hands, not mine. 4. Cruis'n The Cruis'n series of racing games was actually pretty decent back in the 90s, but you wouldn't know that by looking at the Wii update. For one thing, the graphics seem to still be based on the original engine. The Wii was never designed to be a high-definition console, but this game looks like it's struggling to push 80i. I guess the developer figured players would be distracted by the raw extremeness of a car vault. I'd advise whoever bought this game in a moment of weakness to perform a disc vault in front of the toilet and flush the pain away.  The counter in the top right actually keeps a running tally of how many brain cells you have left by this point in the game. Not enough reviews acknowledge this feature. 3. Ninjabread Man The game concept may sound hilariously random, if you're still coming down from an afternoon of paint fumes, but it's clear the developer was hoping the high-concept title would carry a lot more weight than it did. The only compliment that can be given to this game is that the front of the box isn't false advertising. It's about a ninja made out of gingerbread, it's for the Wii, and it was in fact rated by the ESRB. The back, however, will render the above comment void if it contains any positive adjectives whatsoever.  In a time when many developers neglect to utilize the full power of the Wii's "Hollywood" graphics chip, one developer dares to be different. 2. Chicken Shoot No, it's not a typo. It's not a self-referential title, and it is the word "Shoot". This game actually holds a special honor among Wii crapware. It's not just a port of a Flash game. It's a port of a Game Boy Advance game, which is a port of a Flash game. Don't think about it too hard, or you'll accidentally put more effort into thinking about Chicken Shoot than the developer did.  I've always secretly hoped "big head mode" would make a comeback. 1. Anubis II Something I neglected to mention earlier: Data Design Interactive, the...well, I guess we can safely assume they're "people", behind Anubis II as well as Ninjabread Man, are so infamous for making objectively bad games that even their Wikipedia page has a negative tone to it. It even likens their games to those that caused the video game crash of 1983, which would have ended the game industry then and there, were it not for Nintendo. What kind of world do we live in when Nintendo themselves allows it to come again? I'm too depressed to continue, so it's a good thing that the list ends there. Before you send me nasty emails that Chicken Shoot gave you the only feeling of joy you've experienced in your life, please remember that these choices were originally made by Infendo, and I'm just agreeing with them. So by all means, send the emails their way. |
Upcoming Releases
Recent Comments